Purim is the only holiday where we are encouraged to hide in plain sight.

We put on costumes, blur lines, and play with identity. For one day, it is normal to exaggerate certain parts of ourselves; what is usually subtle becomes theatrical. Quite plainly, it’s my favorite holiday because we accentuate the hidden and conceal the normal. 

One of the psychological frameworks I use in my practice, called Internal Family Systems (IFS), mirrors the values of Purim. Created by Richard Schwartz, IFS focuses on the parts of us that create the whole. We all have parts. Parts that manage, protect, carry pain and hold hope. Beneath them all is the “Self”, the grounded and compassionate center that can lead with clarity rather than fear.

Many of us are led by strong manager parts. These parts achieve, anticipate the needs of others, and keep everything organized. Often admired, they are competent and dependable.

We may also have firefighter parts that step in when emotions feel overwhelming. They distract, overwork, scroll, snack, and stay busy. They are not weaknesses per se, but rather protectors.

And somewhere quieter are exiled parts. These parts hold shame, grief, loneliness, anger, or longing. Hidden does not mean insignificant. It usually means protected. 

Our parts developed for reasons. They helped us adapt. They helped us belong. They helped us survive. As Richard Schwartz’s book suggests, there are “No Bad Parts,” each serves a purpose. 

A Purim Reflection: 

Take 15-20 minutes and draw a simple mask on a piece of paper. 

On one side of the mask, write the parts of you that the world sees. These are your manager parts.

The achiever.
The planner.
The responsible one.
The caregiver.
The calm one.
The one who keeps it all together.

Be specific. What keeps you functioning? What do people rely on you for? What do you rely on yourself for?

Then, on the inside of the mask, write the protector parts that show up when things feel overwhelming.

The part that scrolls.
The part that avoids.
The part that shuts down.
The part that overworks.
The part that numbs out.

These parts are not weaknesses; they are strategies your system developed to handle stress, fear, or pain.

When you are done, sit with the page.

Notice that both sides of the mask belong to you, work hard, and developed for a reason. 

I’ve included my own mask as an example:

Purim reminds us that we are more than what is visible. The manager parts that keep us steady are not the whole story. The protectors that step in when things feel like too much are not the whole story either.

This week, as you put on a costume, maybe also take a moment to look at your own mask. Not to judge it. Just to understand it.

Chag Purim Sameach.

If you would like to continue this conversation or share your own reflections, please reach out to the CUJF Jewish Family Service Coordinator at [email protected]. 

Links to more information on Internal Family Systems and Richard Schwartz: 

 

 IFS Overview: https://ifs-institute.com/about-us/richard-c-schwartz-phd

“No Bad Parts” by Richard C. Schwartz: https://ifs-institute.com/store/419 

“You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For” by Richard C. Schwartz: https://ifs-institute.com/store/37